Save A Life

(A poem written May 11, 2012. Not a particularly good one, but an important message nonetheless.)

Somewhere in between
the fight and the serene,
there's space left unseen
where one wishes they could not be.
Where one hopes for the end
of wounds no one can mend
and relief no one can lend.
To the nothing they long to friend.
They want no pious verse
or holy words rehearsed,
just the end of that which hurts,
before it gets worse.
See, their minds don't reason so:
"Tis thoughts that come and go."
No, the abyss they do take hold,
and submit to its control.
And in this state they die,
a little at a time.
What's more it does feel nice
to the demons trapped inside.
They show this death to none
in fear of burdening some.
They keep it hidden from
the smiles they force to front.
And yet what they do need,
in spite of the death they cling,
is to really be freed,
is to really be seen.
For their hand to be held tight,
to survive the endless night.
To be told that it's alright -
they're not alone in the fight.
They need the ones who know,
the sides of self they close,
to forgive the paths they chose
and help them fight the foes.
Sometimes they must be dragged
away from sorrow's grasp.
They may be drowning fast.
They may choke and gasp.
Give them a day worth living.
Be a friend worth loving.
From them, demand nothing.
Just give them something.
Oftentimes they want
nothing more than  your heart,
just to know they are a part
of your thoughts.
So please do take the time
to occasionally remind
that you are never far behind.
Be easy to find.
And maybe one night
your random call will fight
the darkness they hold so tight.
You might just save a life.

One Case

(A poem written January 17, 2012. Admitting a harmful habit is hard to do.)

One case
thirteen on the card
twelve and some cardboard
sacred red star
three days
need to buy more
five minute walk to the nearest corner store
sweet sip
joy by the mouthful
drown out all the loneliness
four and I'm feeling good
family jokes
"functional addict"
say that shit again, nigga,
promise you I've had it
twist top
one fluid motion
third DVD tonight
laughter is a potion
click, click
dating site app
heart hurts, mind figures
she didn't write back
another swig
hardly feel a thing
shit must be watered down
finish it quick
hate work
haven't loved in years
given up crying
drink all my tears
last one
cardboard in the trash
one long sigh to sleep
hoping it's the last.

But I Think I'm Fine

(Written March 3, 2009. It's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes the only way to beat the doldrums is to face it head on.)

I don't know why everyone is so worried
when I retreat to my room at night.
"Darling, how are you feeling today?"
Don't worry, I think I'm fine.

Hours staring at broken computer screens,
love to be alone most of the time.
Since when did silence become uncanny,
since when was loneliness a crime?
Haven't talked to friends in ages,
phone sits right next to my pillow.
You say I look thin and sad,
But I think I'm fine.

Besides, the bed is my best friend,
it asks no questions and tells no lies.
It hugs me when I'm sad and lonely,
it catches all the tears I cry.
You worry that I don't get out enough,
you say I'm far from alright.
I say these meds are bullshit
and they make me far too tired.

Everyone has a diagnosis,
everyone has a remedy to life.
But you don't see the demons I wrestle,
and besides, have you ever met my mind?
I try hard to be so selfless,
I try hard to be so kind.
Forget death, I'm feeling well rested,
tonight I'm going to try and fly...

I've got books and I've got websites,
a cheap guitar I can pretend to play,
a job that I hate and skip quite often,
and rampant thoughts to help pass the day.

In my head is a person I hate,
in my head is someone I love.
Instead of suggesting another useless book
come help me rescue them both from the flood.

I don't know why you're so worried
when it seems I'm just getting by.
You know me, I wouldn't lie, would I?
I think I'm fine,
I know I'll be fine,
finding out how to be fine...