Finally Finding

(written Saturday, February 21, 2009. After all of our searching, when will we realize that it's been with us the whole time?)

We spend most of our lives
searching for finite light,
bright, nice,
burning for what seems like quite a while.
Intense, right here right now.
Wow, it's gone already...
We search, we find, we search again.
Do we ever find?
Each time I settle
I just fall farther behind...

As hot as that fire burns,
it's so easily put out.
Doubt, loss,
life shows us who's boss.
I don't dwell on faults,
because life will happen with or without them.

But what are we looking for?
What should we find?
I try to grab a piece of time,
to confine a bit of mind,
to unwind it's coiled lines,
it never works...

It could be right next to me,
a part of me,
I'll test and see
where letting go takes me,
I'll be a living testimony.

It could be so close it hurts,
an unseen fire still burns,
a pacified mind still yearns
for that comfort.

It could be just waiting for me,
it could come out of nowhere.
How dare I say I know what's best,
I fare no better left to my own guess,
my mind is holy when I let go and rest...

It could have just dropped in,
a chance that suddenly walked in,
disguised as a helping hand,
have to realize that moment.

And I've waited so long for just that,
thought I was sure I had found just that,
always expect you have no idea what to expect,
you have no idea what you'll forget
when it finally comes to change your mind.

After spending so long
searching for finite light,
forget your past,
be ready to finally find,
actually finally find,
what lasts.