But I Think I'm Fine

(Written March 3, 2009. It's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes the only way to beat the doldrums is to face it head on.)

I don't know why everyone is so worried
when I retreat to my room at night.
"Darling, how are you feeling today?"
Don't worry, I think I'm fine.

Hours staring at broken computer screens,
love to be alone most of the time.
Since when did silence become uncanny,
since when was loneliness a crime?
Haven't talked to friends in ages,
phone sits right next to my pillow.
You say I look thin and sad,
But I think I'm fine.

Besides, the bed is my best friend,
it asks no questions and tells no lies.
It hugs me when I'm sad and lonely,
it catches all the tears I cry.
You worry that I don't get out enough,
you say I'm far from alright.
I say these meds are bullshit
and they make me far too tired.

Everyone has a diagnosis,
everyone has a remedy to life.
But you don't see the demons I wrestle,
and besides, have you ever met my mind?
I try hard to be so selfless,
I try hard to be so kind.
Forget death, I'm feeling well rested,
tonight I'm going to try and fly...

I've got books and I've got websites,
a cheap guitar I can pretend to play,
a job that I hate and skip quite often,
and rampant thoughts to help pass the day.

In my head is a person I hate,
in my head is someone I love.
Instead of suggesting another useless book
come help me rescue them both from the flood.

I don't know why you're so worried
when it seems I'm just getting by.
You know me, I wouldn't lie, would I?
I think I'm fine,
I know I'll be fine,
finding out how to be fine...